From the Spiritual Types Test (emphasis mine):

You are a Lover, a feeling type, whose spirituality comes primarily from the heart or emotions. You value freedom, independence, and spontaneity. Along with your gift of enthusiasm, you show us how to have fun and appreciate beauty. More than any other type, you know how to experience joy. This puts you in a unique position to experience God in the moment, to revel in what is happening around you, and to be in the present tense.

To Lovers, God is a nurturing parent. Prayer for you is often extemporaneous, speaking to God about what is on your heart at the moment. Music moves you deeply; so does heartfelt preaching and worship. You believe that real faith must be shared. Consequently, many Lovers are interested in missions or in spreading the Gospel through the media. You are passionate about holy living.

On the other hand, a Lover’s impulsive behavior can get you in trouble. You sometimes focus on satisfying immediate desires to the detriment of investing in longer term needs. You have been known to exude a “holier-than-thou” attitude toward other spiritual types. That does not endear you to us. Guard against thinking that to be right everyone else must share a spiritual experience similar to yours. You also may need permission to acknowledge anger, disappointment, sadness, and doubt, and to allow yourself to be less than ideal.

I’m a doubter. I doubt a lot of things. I’ve been thinking recently (read: over the past 5 minutes plus the time it took to write this post) about the psychology of doubting, and how that relates to our trust in God.

I’d like to say that when things that I think are in God’s plans don’t go the way I had hoped, that my doubt about whether they were really God’s plans in the first place is doubt in myself. Whoa, what a mouthful; let me break it down in an example:

I have an idea about how something (be it a short event or a longer term plan) should go, and what I think God’s plan is in regards to how that thing should go. Then that thing doesn’t go the way I had hoped (planned), and as a result, I doubt that God’s plan was what I originally thought it was.

Simple, right? I can look at myself in any given situation that doesn’t go the way I want it to, and say “Any doubt in this situation is with regards to my own ability to do/plan/see things according to how God sees them.” In (attempting) to say “I doubt myself”, I’m theoretically putting God first, and saying “God, you know better.” But there’s a problem! Am I really trusting in God, or am I still trusting in myself?

Other than the fact that things didn’t go the way I planned, did I learn anything from the situation? Did I learn to trust in God more than I already knew how? Or did I just say “my fault” and ‘move on’? How can I ensure that I’m really going to trust God in the future? These types of situations can lead into the trap of thinking (probably subconsciously, as if that’s an excuse!) “Well, I’m going to plan X, Y and Z, and if things don’t happen that way, I’ll deal with it because it wasn’t God’s plan anyway.” Some trust in God that is, huh?

I’m sure there are many things which lead to one finding themselves in this sort of situation: perhaps the choleric need for achievement, and the sense that a goal should be achieved because of one’s own hard work (in essence the need to be in control of things). Or perhaps the sanguine need to please people by being quick to offer an explanation/apology when something doesn’t go as expected. (There may be some influence for those of the melancholy/phlegmatic nature too, but I don’t readily identify with those, and I wasn’t intending for this post to turn into a commentary on personalities).

Isaiah 55:6-9 (ESV):

Seek the LORD while He may be found; Call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way And the unrighteous man his thoughts; And let him return to the LORD, And He will have compassion on him, And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon. “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Psalm 143:10 (ESV):

Teach me to do Your will, For You are my God; Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.