Yesterday I got called a Woman Driver… by a woman!

The Story: I was pulling out of the driveway so I could back my car in (to hook up a trailer). As I backed out, I checked to make sure nothing was coming either way (we live on a narrow street). After I had pulled out, and was preparing to back in, a lady drove down the road, not bothering to slow down as she approached me. The only reason she didn’t hit me was because I quickly backed into the driveway.

Was she talking to herself?! Perhaps it’s just an Auckland thing?

McDonald’s here in NZ recently came out with a new burger called “Name It Burger”, with which they held a competition to name the burger, funnily enough. I think they need to work on the titles of their existing burgers before worrying about new ones…

The picture you see is a standard cheeseburger; whoever made it decided that onion goes best on the outside of the bun. Eh?

After many years of using the express lane at the supermarket (heck, I remember the days before express lanes…) I’ve developed what I like to call “the express lane economy.” The express lane economy is simple:

1. If the express lane has a maximum limit of 12 items, it’s OK to go through with 13, or occasionally 14 items, if it’s not obvious that you have more than 12 items, or if there is no one behind you. This first rule is based on perception; if the person behind you perceives that you are cheating the system, then you probably are.
2. It’s also OK to go through the express lane with 13 or 14 items if several of the items you have are the same. For example, should you have two loaves of bread, then these really only count as one item. This is especially true if you’re the benefactor of a 2-for-1 deal or something similar. If the supermarket is quiet (no one behind you) then using this rule in combination with the above, for a total of no more than 15 items is OK.
3. You’re allowed through the express lane with more than 15 items only if invited through by the checkout operator. This occasionally happens when that checkout lane is being opened just as you arrive at the checkout section. In this case, peering longingly toward the exit may help your cause. Don’t push your luck too much though.
4. Check for hidden delays in checkout queues, for example an item needing a price-check, or someone waiting for replacement goods for something damaged. Seeing the non-express lane beside you move twice as fast easily adds tension to your already frantic afternoon.
5. Sometimes when you get to the checkout section, you realise you forgot something. Often it’s worth sacrificing going to get that one extra item, so that you won’t loose use of the express lane. This is especially true if the supermarket is very busy, as taking two minutes to go and get that item could well add 10 minutes to the time you’ll be waiting in line.
6. If there’s a parent with a crying baby behind you in the checkout isle, you should let them go first.
7. If you’re in a normal, non-express lane, and someone with only one or two items arrives in line behind you (while you have a trolley-full), let them go first. It’s polite, and they’d probably do the same for you.
8. When the supermarket is busy, changing lanes after you’ve been standing in line for more than 60 seconds rarely leads to a quicker exit from the supermarket. This is true for no other reason than Murphy’s Law (which needs no explaining I’m sure).

Some would question why it’s OK to go through the express lane with slightly more items than the advertised limit. The answer is obvious: the system has been designed to be circumvented! For example, you know those little chocolate bars and drinks that you’re tempted with as you go through the checkout? (Commonly known as the temptation isle. I joke not; a supermarket manager told me) Well, what if you already have 12 items, but then you add one of these? Does that not make 13 items? But in reality, the supermarket wanted you to do that; it’s good for their business!

So, next time you visit your supermarket, know how to work the system. You’ll realise it’s designed for that purpose.

Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator

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